


Life Is Too Short to Spend It Running Away

by MadSophHatter



Series: Saving Some For Home [1]
Category: Pride (2014)
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, Serious Conversation, Unexpected Confession, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 13:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3136706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadSophHatter/pseuds/MadSophHatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seems like Mike has forgiven Mark but after the Pride march he's withdrawn, keeping to himself. Mark decides to confront Mike about it. The ensuing conversation leads to Mark confessing more than he had planned to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Is Too Short to Spend It Running Away

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters in this fic don't belong to me. They are based on the characters seen in the film Pride and have nothing to do with actual people.

It was getting late and the conversations became more hushed. People had stopped dancing a while ago and were now standing or sitting in small circles and quietly celebrating how well the Pride parade had turned out.

Jonathan was holding Gethin and absentmindedly rubbing his cheek against the shorter man’s soft hair. Every now and then he’d comment on the conversation going on in the little group of actors, poets and artists surrounding them. But mostly he was just content to watch Cliff flourishing in the situation. Hefina was doing the same from across the room since she had joined Steph, Gail and Gwen on the sofa. Sian stood in the far corner of the room, discussing future plans with Joe and Dai. Mark couldn’t see Jeff anywhere, but he thought he might have seen him leave with a rather cute young man with dark hair and eyes. Reggie and Ray had left early after having a fight and making up in front of the whole party. They were probably busy with make-up sex right now.

Mark’s eyes swept over the dimly lit room one last time to make sure, he hadn’t missed anything. The person he was looking for was nowhere to be seen so he followed his first instinct and went downstairs. Just as expected Mike was leaning against the wall right next to the shop entrance and having a smoke. He only spared Mark a short glance before he went back to staring aimlessly into the distance, his arms crossed in front of his body – a barrier.

Mark didn’t need to see anymore to know what was going on. So he hadn’t just imagined it. Mike had been distant all day. He hadn’t openly ignored Mark, but he had avoided him since the march had been over. So things weren’t back to normal between them yet. It seemed like a serious talk was in order.

Mark nodded to himself before leaning against the wall right next to Mike, their shoulders touching. Obviously it was a deliberate move – a peace offering – and Mark waited for a reaction telling him how it was received. He wasn’t disappointed. Mike went completely still for the fraction of a second. At least one thing between them that hadn’t changed. Mark had often wondered if that was involuntary and if the other man knew that he did it “out loud”. 

“You’re still mad at me”, Mark said into the darkness both of them were facing. In lieu of an answer Mike shrugged and took another drag from his cigarette. His eyes were still fixed to a point on the opposite side of the street.

“Listen, I know I behaved like an arsehole.” 

Before Mark could go on speaking, Mike flicked away his cigarette butt with a snort and was suddenly standing right in front of him. 

“Damn well you did!” he almost shouted. 

If his back hadn’t been against the wall, Mark would have taken several steps backwards in surprise. It was so rare that Mike spoke up or got really agitated that when he did, it had quite the effect. You knew you had fucked up big time when Mike Jackson was yelling at you. 

“You ran away. You left us alone. You left me alone!”

Mike was close enough that Mark could smell the alcohol he had been drinking on his breath. He could also see how Mike’s eyes were brightening with unshed tears. All the anger and sadness Mark had expected back when he had called Mike a “fucking spaniel” was compressed into those eyes right now. It was almost too much to bear. And Mark was the one to blame for it. But certainly he could fix this if Mike would just listen to him for a moment.

“I was so worried about you.” Mike’s voice was breaking now. 

Mark wanted nothing more than to pull him into a fierce hug, but before he could move, the other man had taken a couple of steps backwards – out of his reach.

“And then you waltz back in here as if nothing has happened”, it sounded like the fight had gone out of Mike. His arms were crossed in front of his chest again.

“I’m sorry”, Mark offered, “but I needed some time and I needed space to sort myself out. I needed to think.” He had taken a few steps toward Mike and was now reaching for his arm – slowly as if he was approaching a wild animal that was ready to flee any second.

The moment Mark made contact Mike pulled away as if he had been burned. However, instead of retreating further, he charged, pushing Mark back as he said, “It’s not even that! I’m mad that you’re still acting like you don’t notice. But you do, don’t you? You know, but you won’t acknowledge it.”

The words knocked the breath right out of Mark. The accusation filled the void between them, stunning Mark against the wall.

Mike turned away from him and his shoulders slumped as he continued, “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Mark. I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. Not like this.”

These words finally propelled Mark back into action. He closed the distance between them and took hold of Mike’s arm turning him around and not letting go. His friend’s face was contorted into a childlike grimace because he was trying to hold back his tears. Mark wasn’t ready for this yet. This was neither the way nor the time that he had planned to address this issue. The prospect of losing Mike made him panic though. There was no time to think this through.

“Mike, wait! Please. Don’t.” 

Maybe it was the pure despair in those words that held Mike in place. At least he didn’t move, but he didn’t say anything either. Instead he was looking expectantly at Mark, who was suddenly sweating and shaking and felt like he was about to puke.

“I really didn’t notice for quite a while. I didn’t see the world in terms of romance. You know me, Mike; I’m not like that. I’ve never thought of falling in love and being part of a couple, doing couple shit just like the breaders. I’m not like Reggie.”

Mike nodded, but of course this wasn’t a satisfying explanation.

“But you did notice?”

“I did – eventually. It’s not like you were very subtle about it. You did everything you could to make me notice – except talking to me.” 

Mike flinched at the implied accusation and looked down, which filled Mark with a desperate elation. He knew it wasn’t fair but sharing the blame was easier than taking it all on his own, and he was in no condition to fight fairly. 

“I’m sorry. That was low.” Mark took some deep breaths and cleared his throat, trying to buy himself some time. When Mike was looking at him again there was nothing else to do but to go on though.

“I never acknowledged it because I thought I couldn’t give you what you need. I’m not good with romance. I don’t get why it’s important. I won’t do all the things with you that couples normally do. I won’t devote my life to you and only you. That’s just not who I am.”

“I know!” Mike’s voice sounded shaky; his eyes were wide with disbelief. “I never asked for that.”

Mark snorted at that. “No, of course you didn’t. But that’s what you deserve. You deserve someone who’s willing to leave everything behind just to be with you. And frankly, you can do better than me, Mike, far better.”

“Oh, so this is a kindness then.” Now it was Mike’s turn to snort. His eyebrows were raised, and his voice was heavy with sarcasm as he continued. “This is the great and wise Mark Ashton saving me the trouble. Oh, it doesn’t matter what I want, because you know what I need and what I deserve.” Mike had gotten louder again. He finally pulled his arm out of Mark’s vicelike grip, using his hand to point at the other man in an angry gesture instead. 

“So if you’re only sparing me the consequences of my stupid desires, how come you’ve still let me follow you around all this time? Why didn’t you get rid of me a long time ago to make it easier for me?” He was shouting and every word made Mark cringe because it was true.

Forced into the defensive Mark blurted out, “Because I’m an egoistic tit! Is that what you want to hear? I can’t even imagine being without you. I missed you like hell when I was away.” He got more and more emphatic as he spoke. “Please don’t go, Mike. I need you. I love you.”

And there it was, suddenly out in the open. Silence hung heavily between them. Mark couldn’t believe he had finally said it. Judging from Mike’s expression, he wasn’t the only one. 

The magnitude of the disbelief on Mike’s face was painful for Mark. It showed him clearly that he had been wrong to keep this to himself for so long. He could also deduce the hurt he must have caused Mike to make him retreat so far from the hope that he could be loved by the person most important to him. 

Mark waited for what felt like an eternity before it dawned on him that sometimes words just weren’t enough to convince someone. Mike was the one who showed his feelings through his actions because he wasn’t good at putting them into words. If he understood love in the same way, that opened a simple path of action for Mark.

He reached out for Mike’s hands and held them in his, slowly caressing his fingers. Then he pulled Mike towards him until their faces were less than an inch apart. When their lips finally met it was tender and insecure, but it was enough. Mike relaxed noticeably and melted into the touch. He let go of Mark’s hands to put his arms around him, pulling him even closer. Mark mimicked the action while he used the fact that Mike had slightly opened his mouth to softly caress his bottom lip.

The kiss remained soft and light with only a touch of tongue play. It felt so fragile that anything else might have destroyed the spark that had led to it. 

Deep inside Mark his emotions were raging a war against him. He knew that this wasn’t fair. It felt very much like he was manipulating Mike into this. He felt even more egoistic than before for asking for Mike’s love instead of his friendship without intending to give him what he needed in return. Somewhere underneath those feelings Mark knew that those were just excuses to hide the real reasons why he was keeping his distance. Deep down he knew that Mike was the one who had to decide if he could be happy and satisfied with what Mark had to offer. He had made his choice long ago and if Mark trusted in anything it was Mike’s intelligence. So the only thing standing between him and the gorgeous being currently sucking on his bottom lip was his fear. Even though he’d never admit it, Mark was afraid of so many things. He feared to lose himself and his vision in a relationship. He feared to be left behind, his partner dying or leaving him. But what Mark feared most was that he could somehow hurt Mike in an irreparable way. He was running away from the responsibility that comes with a relationship.

Now was the time to remember that life was short – too short to run away, too short to not spend it with the one he loved. Mark was happy he had taken that leap of faith. When they finally broke the kiss he smiled like an idiot against Mike’s lips.

“So will you stay with me?” He asked, eyes still closed from the kiss. 

“Of course”, Mike’s voice was raspy, “Where else would I go? And what would you do without your fucking spaniel?”

Mark knew it was meant to sound light-hearted but the hurt and nervousness underneath were plain as day. Mike had never been as good at playing it cool as he liked to believe. But they would surely get over it.

He grabbed Mike’s hand, which was a bit damp to the touch, and started walking. “Then let’s go home. I’m tired and I can’t wait to cuddle my new boyfriend.” 

It was too dark to see it but Mark just knew that Mike was blushing. He couldn’t stop himself from chuckling even though his own heart was beating as hard as if it wanted to escape from his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello sweeties. Thank you very much for reading my first Marmike fic.  
> If this is well received, I'll write some more parts for this series.
> 
> Since I had no beta for this, feel free to tell me about any blatant mistakes that I overlooked during proofreading.
> 
> If you're interested in more Marmike and Jethin headcanons and drabbles about the other Pride characters, you might want to follow me on tumblr. I'm known as lilbasthet there.


End file.
